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About This Page: This is a discussion on Reality Hipcheck within the LetsGoKings.com forums, at Los Angeles Kings Hockey Fan Forum. Originally Posted by VegasHockey
Come to my place .......... NOW!
Just testing the waters on this whole taking charge thing.
I'll be there in 3 hours.
Fair to say, though people fear being ostrasized over dying. If he tries to do something he's not comfortable with (i.e. being more rugged/manly) and he flops in public, it's a bigger deal to many. Maybe he's worried you'll walk away and leave him there alone at the table.
Hard to say anything specific w/o knowing specifically what "nice" means, but I still stand by my suggestion of getting to know the guy in a private setting (if you're at all still interested). If he can't be manly one-on-one, he probably can't be at all, and you'll know.
The idea of giving a guy a chance in a private setting is revolting to me and leads me to believe you have not comprehended what I wrote in previous posts.
But this is Sleestack's advice column.
And going by how he answered my previous query, I'm guessing Sleestack would remind me that there's no way to change a dude.
The idea of giving a guy a chance in a private setting is revolting to me and leads me to believe you have not comprehended what I wrote in previous posts.
See, now I feel the opposite is true.
If a guy can't be a bit more in charge in open environment, all hope is lost for a private scenario.
Any guy that doesn't show me a little manliness during the dating phase, certainly isn't coming home with me.
YES! I agree - and it's hard for me to say it to the guy - but I totally know what you mean.
Just ended something with a guy because I wasn't feeling that "spark" that would make me want to move the "relationship" into something phsyical. I DID have a good time with him, but it was more on a friendship level. I let him know this, and left the friend option in his court - which he pretty much didn't see as an option because my not "feeling it" took him completely by surprise. It had only been 2 dates, but when you know "it" is not there, it's probably not going to be, right? Like I said, hard to say TO him - but really feel it was the right thing to do, rather than let it drag on over time and then STILL not feel anything?
Hell, at least I said something - unlike some guys who just go through the disappearing act.
My friends have said they think maybe it's because I'm meeting these guys online - things seem great online, in emails, even on the phone....so when I meet them in person, I try to make it as good as it SEEMED it could've been - and it's almost trying to force an attraction to them...
My friends have said they think maybe it's because I'm meeting these guys online - things seem great online, in emails, even on the phone....so when I meet them in person, I try to make it as good as it SEEMED it could've been - and it's almost trying to force an attraction to them...
Online dating is a whole different animal for what we learned dating stuff to be like. In a way, you have to have one set of dating rituals for people you meet online and another set for dating people you meet ANY OTHER way. Online courtships we meet each other behind monitors where people can pretend they are anything/everything and it is so easy to have emotional feelings for the fictional persona some create. For those who are completely the same person online, as off, if things are meant to be, all things are possible. For people who are amazing imitators of what they would like to be, well those folks we fall for the pretend version of them and try to separate the fantasy from the reality of who they really are if you ever meet.
That is why when I used online dating to meet people, I learned to decipher some of the code. Anyone who wants to be my pen pal for awhile, pass. Someone who waits an inordinate amount of time to speak directly is more likely either a pretender, insecure or both.
If you talk and/or meet as soon as it is worth spending the time to do so, then you have the greatest liklihood of meeting someone authentic. At that point, meaning sooner rather than later, no time to have a pretend relationship online that can never be duplicated offline. Also, it either works or not before you invest too much. It took awhile to figure this out and I also learned a lot by participating on a message board on the site I joined where folks could compare notes.
You are a hockey player living in LA! There is no need to settle at this time in your life. Bringing sand to the beach has always been a sin in my life.
I respect the love aspect, however, a 26 year old hockey player has no clue what is really love!
Hang with the boys and have fun, you will have plenty of time to settle down when you are in your 30's.
I guess growing up in So-Cal, I had other beliefs and settling down in my 20's was not one of them and when you are a sports figure in LA it is even more of a challenge. Good luck to him!
The over and under on the marriage is 2.5 years!
Or maybe Stoll is much more mature than you are, has figured out what he wants out of life and in a partner and doesn't think that chasing tail and hanging out with the boys is what he wants out of life anymore. I'd imagine for any pro athlete having women who will throw themselves at you would be fun for awhile. For most people I'd imagine the novelty would wear off eventually and they'd want to find someone to settle down with.
I guess Dustin Brown doesn't know what love really is either.
I sleep around... a lot. Especially for someone who has standards. I have friends who do it more, but I'd just as soon shoot myself then be with someone like they're with. This is not a superficial thing, just an attitude thing. I will not sleep with someone who does not seem like an intelligent, healthy, ambitious individual.
Although truth be told I generally sleep with them before I get to know them very much.
Then I get bored and leave once I get to know them. Usually takes about 2 week, though this last one lasted a month (yay, I'm getting better!).
So yeah, what gives?
It's a pattern a lot of men get in, when they are looking for something, but they have no idea what it is.
Maybe you are unhappy with work, or your family or your friends, or it just might be that you are bored. Often times people are seeking affection because they are lonely, but don't want to get tied down with anyone either, so they end it faster then it started.
You say it's not superficial, but you go on to say that you generally sleep with them before you get to know them, so in that sense, it IS superficial. You are sleeping with someone before you know them, before you click or connect, so all you have going is the physical, which isn't what keeps people together.
This pattern is REALLY bad if you are looking for a keeper, because you are not getting into any their heads so you can see what the possibilities are. Jumping into the sack right away total colors the relationship from the minute it happens.
My advice: give yourself a time table and get to know these people before you jump in bed. It's the ONLY thing that will stop you from this cycle of bedding them down, and then moving on to the next one.
One day some girl is going to break your heart, and at this rate, you deserve it.
Make an effort to get to know them first, talk to them, ask questions, and most importantly, LISTEN to what they have to say.
__________________ "If the Kings score early and those dogs can make it in time, I'll buy them tickets so they can get in to Staples Center and a$$-rape Bailey." - beingbobbyorr
"Kings' fans are conditioned for mediocrity."- CarlaMuller
"The Kings could go 1-80-1 and they would lose the lottery and pick number 2. WE ARE THE KINGS." - Hatter
The soccer analogy was just the right amount of levity. Thanks for getting me to lighten up.
I never thought about appearing NEEDY.
The very last thing I am is needy. But I would hate for a guy to see that as some kind of fact and then be afraid to insult me by opening my door for me.
This is complicated, no?
I went out with a new guy last night.
This one may be too "nice". I need a guy that is manlier than I am.
What's the best way to bring the testerone level up a notch with the "nice" guys, hmmm?
Thanks Sleestack!!
*I feel like Goldilocks.
Thanks for the kind words!
I don't think you appeared needy at all, but say the wrong thing and that is what a guy might think. If you took the whole opening the door issue, made a big stink about how he should get out of the car, open your door, or otherwise you won't get in his car, if you act really obnoxious about it, he could go a million different directions that way.
If you just make a point of it, make him laugh and then drop it, then you know he knows, and he has no ammo to use against you.
The nice guy issue is a problem, because not all girls like the nice guys. I think the guy who is overly nice actually puts himself in a bad spot from the get go, because when a guy appears too "nice" girls think they can walk all over him, and usually do.
Most women want someone who will take care of them, whether they admit it or not. A nice guy often comes across as someone who won't be able to do what it takes in the real world to help you out, protect you, chase off the other male lions, that whole thing.
I think you just need to get to know them better, and see how much of their personality you can reveal to get to a point where you either like them, or you don't.
You can't really go into it thinking you can change them, because odds are, you can't.
See, now I feel the opposite is true.
If a guy can't be a bit more in charge in open environment, all hope is lost for a private scenario.
Any guy that doesn't show me a little manliness during the dating phase, certainly isn't coming home with me.
I think people are MUCH more themselves in private. I know people who act NOTHING like their personality when they are out in front of people they don't know, and they can also act like someone totally different in front of their friends as well.
Behind closed doors is when you are most likely to get the truth.
You need to give it time to get to know the person before you can make the call. Talk, inquire, see what you kind find out, and then put it all together before you decide they aren't the one for you.
Of course if the guy is a tool in public, it doesn't matter WHAT he is like behind closed doors, because it's not like you will live in a cave with the guy and never go out.
YES! I agree - and it's hard for me to say it to the guy - but I totally know what you mean.
Just ended something with a guy because I wasn't feeling that "spark" that would make me want to move the "relationship" into something phsyical. I DID have a good time with him, but it was more on a friendship level. I let him know this, and left the friend option in his court - which he pretty much didn't see as an option because my not "feeling it" took him completely by surprise. It had only been 2 dates, but when you know "it" is not there, it's probably not going to be, right? Like I said, hard to say TO him - but really feel it was the right thing to do, rather than let it drag on over time and then STILL not feel anything?
Hell, at least I said something - unlike some guys who just go through the disappearing act.
My friends have said they think maybe it's because I'm meeting these guys online - things seem great online, in emails, even on the phone....so when I meet them in person, I try to make it as good as it SEEMED it could've been - and it's almost trying to force an attraction to them...
There's one for Dear Abby....what'cha think?
I totally agree with your assessment. There is no 'spark' online, it just can't manifest itself via a photo or a text, or even a phone call. The physical reaction of your body in the presence of another is what creates the spark.
You might totally get along with this guy, have great conversations, feel like you've know each other for 10 years, but you are missing out on the chemical reactions that take place when you meet someone in public.
You've all been in that situation where you walk into a party, and your eyes meet with someone, and you are just drawn to them. It's the spark you need before anything else will work, I really believe that.
At least you are being kind about it, unlike some people!
And if you keep it up, you never know when that spark might hit, so don't give up!
Online dating is a whole different animal for what we learned dating stuff to be like. In a way, you have to have one set of dating rituals for people you meet online and another set for dating people you meet ANY OTHER way. Online courtships we meet each other behind monitors where people can pretend they are anything/everything and it is so easy to have emotional feelings for the fictional persona some create. For those who are completely the same person online, as off, if things are meant to be, all things are possible. For people who are amazing imitators of what they would like to be, well those folks we fall for the pretend version of them and try to separate the fantasy from the reality of who they really are if you ever meet.
That is why when I used online dating to meet people, I learned to decipher some of the code. Anyone who wants to be my pen pal for awhile, pass. Someone who waits an inordinate amount of time to speak directly is more likely either a pretender, insecure or both.
If you talk and/or meet as soon as it is worth spending the time to do so, then you have the greatest liklihood of meeting someone authentic. At that point, meaning sooner rather than later, no time to have a pretend relationship online that can never be duplicated offline. Also, it either works or not before you invest too much. It took awhile to figure this out and I also learned a lot by participating on a message board on the site I joined where folks could compare notes.
GREAT advice, I agree 100%. You can have a whole relationship based on chatting back and forth, but if you don't have the face to face relatively soon, then you are basing the whole experience everything but the physical attraction you have to feel for this thing to go anywhere.
It's the chemical combo of two people, their scents, their physical makeup, the way the look at you, it's all of that, and it's important to see that before you get too far in what could be the wrong direction.
mcsorleyminute
