a refresher course

[BeerMan]

maybe it belongs in the RH forum, maybe not. I got this in the email:



For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and

2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get beer to the men.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it re quired grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glas s bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group thera py, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, fighter pilots, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.......

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off....

[OddManRush]

How many times must it be proven:

Conservatives should stay away from comedy.

[Joe Hoya]

Sushi is ****ing delicious.

[mudfisher]

Perfect!

[Leonidas]

This little ditty has been around since I was a Republican kid and worked in the Goldwater campaign. It's been recycled by the Republicans in some form in every election I can remember. It's one of about three such tales they entertain each other with. I first heard it when some uncles shared it at a family gathering. Based on the tenor of the times its contents change slightly to being more or less homophobic, racist, sexist, anti-egalitarian, anti-intellectual etc.

By the time I was sixteen and had matured enough emotionally and intellectually to move past my Republican impulses I was embarrassed for myself that I had once found it amusing. It struck me as perfectly emblematic of the conservative western Republican committment to bigotry as a political tool, of their hatred of social and political equality, and also as a great example of the special mix of social rage and hatred for reason that charcaterized most Republican positions then and now. Nothing has changed for them since then, but that's why they're "conservative" right?

It all still smacks of insecurity parading itself as arrogance. It's kind of like the SEC making fun of the Ivy League because their football teams aren't as good, or the kids at continuation school ridiculing the AP students when they walk by with a bag of books for homework, or the thimble dicked guy who loves to talk in public about how big his package is.

[go]

I think liberals like red wine. Not white wine.

[OddManRush]

Originally Posted by Leonidas

This little ditty has been around since I was a Republican kid and worked in the Goldwater campaign. It's been recycled by the Republicans in some form in every election I can remember. It's one of about three such tales they entertain each other with. I first heard it when some uncles shared it at a family gathering. Based on the tenor of the times its contents change slightly to being more or less homophobic, racist, sexist, anti-egalitarian, anti-intellectual etc.

By the time I was sixteen and had matured enough emotionally and intellectually to move past my Republican impulses I was embarrassed for myself that I had once found it amusing. It struck me as perfectly emblematic of the conservative western Republican committment to bigotry as a political tool, of their hatred of social and political equality, and also as a great example of the special mix of social rage and hatred for reason that charcaterized most Republican positions then and now. Nothing has changed for them since then, but that's why they're "conservative" right?

It all still smacks of insecurity parading itself as arrogance. It's kind of like the SEC making fun of the Ivy League because their football teams aren't as good, or the kids at continuation school ridiculing the AP students when they walk by with a bag of books for homework, or the thimble dicked guy who loves to talk in public about how big his package is.

This is it. This is the best post.

[JJ289]

Correction: Conservatives drink crappy domestic beer.

Seriously, a lot of writing but you really didn't say anything of substance. I know this offseason has been long. Why don't you take a trip to the airport bathroom with your macho Republican Senator and check out his "wide stance." He could use some company.